"I'm so lonely..."

Poor neglected, Blog.

Linda has been too busy (or too lazy) to keep up with you.

I bet you are lonesome over here. Or are you? Have people been stopping by to see you? and yet, you have nothing to say to them. I bet that is embarrassing.

Oh, pobresito, Blog. I'm so sorry to have let you down. After all this ambitious talk about not neglecting your readers...and here we go doing just that.

Well, maybe next year, things will be better.

The good news is...you have your health! You're still in tact!

Happy Holidays, Blog!

Brrrrrr...

'Tis the Season for COLD. BRRRRR Brrrr...

Kids, I don't know if you've stepped outside today, but (I'm talking to the New Yorkers and North Easterners now) it is Fri-gid! Brr.

It's 23 degrees, and feels like 6 degrees!!!!!! (according to weather.com) AND, to top it off, it's windy as all get out!

In fact, as I was hurrying to work to get out of the cold, I actually got toppled forward by the wind! Talk about a mighty wind....

The good news is...if you want to get somewhere fast...get some wheels and get in front of that wind...cause you are going to fly! (Travelers going NW only, please.)

HAPPY WINTER, EVERYONE!!!!

"Party Smart"!

Check it out...my friends Josh and Tamra have entered the Doritos Crash the Superbowl Contest! (You enter a 30 second commercial, the community votes, and if you win - your commercial gets aired during the Superbowl, you win tickets to the game, and you get some moolah!! And if any one deserves all that - it's these two cats - Josh and Tamra!)

Personal investment - I was assistant director on the "Ladies Night" video!!! yahoo!


Here is what Josh & Tamra have to say:


"WE NEED YOUR VOTES!!
PLEASE VOTE and make your COMMENTS on our (TWO) 30 second Commercials!!!TODAY!!!!

There are a couple of steps to registering on the site before you vote. No biggie.
Then Simply: Click the heart under our clip (love it), & make a comment.

VOTE ON OUR 2 COMMERCIALS: go to
1.) http://www.jumpcut.com/view?id=CDF3DB60825711DB8CF8266C9A2E700D&type=

2.) http://www.jumpcut.com/view?id=6392FF22835511DB9CDA5A856F9CC894&type=

p.s.
The quality and sound are compressed on the site for some reason.
So ignore the medium quality of the commercial. The original commercials
are hi-quality.

Thank you!!! WE LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH!!!

XOXOXOX
Josh & Tamra
JoshAndTamra.com"




So what are you waiting for? GO VOTE!!! (Thanks. It means a lot to me.)

Today is the Day...

...My sister comes to town!

All I can say is that I'm very excited. Originally we weren't going to see one another for Thanksgiving or Christmas. But my sister is BRILLIANT and was able to schedule a business trip for Monday and fly in a few days before for some Family Fun Time!! She's bringing her son with her, too!!! Which is bonus fun times! My nephew is two and he's adorable and he's started talking but I haven't seen him in person since he really started talking..so I'm excited! (I'll call him "EJ".)

Plus, EJ likes LIONS! I love LIONS! EJ likes to ROAR like a lion! I LOVE EJ!

EJ left me the cutest message on my phone a few months ago. It was simply him roaring like a lion. But, man, is it ever a good solid Roar! I've been trying to figure out how to grab it off my phone and add an audio clip to my blog. I think the first step is to buy a connector cable for my phone to connect to my computer. And since I haven't begun to even look at what kind of cable I will need...I suppose I really haven't been "trying to figure out" anything. But in my head, I have made some noble efforts. In my head, once I get off my butt and teach myself some technology, it is going to be brilliant! Everyone will hear the wondrous EJ's ROOOAAAAR!

Oh, I'm can't wait until they get here!! *jumping up and down in anticipation*

Oh Pooey!

Having a rough week. Tired, cranky. Just got over two colds back to back and now I feel like I might be coming down with another one. And I can't even begin to wrap my mind around the holidays.

I went for a relaxing lunch-walk and a bird pooed on me.

The worst part is, I felt it and heard it...then checked my scarf and forearms of my coat and didn't see anything and chalked it up to water - dew - soapy window-washer suds.

Later, as I brushed my hand across my shoulder to grab my bag - I instead grabbed a handful of poo. So, my nice walk to window-shop and unwind turned into a nice jaunt through Grand Central Station in search of a restroom. The restroom had water, but no paper towels. So in order to rid the shoulder of my coat of bird poo, I had to keep wadding up toilet paper as thickly and tightly as possible..wet it a bit...then try to clean up. This, of course, took several repeat attempts to get *mostly* clean and replaced the bird poo with toilet paper crumbs. Dee-lish!

It gets better.

I thought I got everything off but the toilet paper lint. I decided it was time to head back to the office, where it was safe. Or at least, I was accustomed to the trials and tribulations that would face me there. I stopped by Jamba Juice to get a Cold Buster, trying to forget the week and take a positive step for myself. When I went to brush the length of my coat back to reach the back pocket of my pants...I instead (yep, you guessed it!) had another brush with BIRD POO! Ugh.

I daintily paid for my cold busting immunity boosting smoothie and the kind people at Jamba gave me a wet napkin with which to partially clean my coat. I then received my delicious looking smoothie, but (for fear of spreading bird-poopy germs to the straw) left it untouched until I could get back to the office and properly wash my hands again.

The entirety of the walk back to the office was accompanied by orange sticky smoothie running down the side of the cup and all over my hand and the cuff of my coat. Good thing I was going to wash my hands anyway.

The good news...

Three good things came from this fun little episode.

1. It reminded me that I had a blouse and skirt to pick up at the dry cleaners. I will drop off my coat at that time.

2. My friend informed me that a bird pooping on you is a sign of good luck. (Hey! Look at that!)

3. I wrote this blog entry.

Happy Hump Day, ALL!!

I think I may have just experienced the top of the hump

...it's all down hill from here!

Weeeeee!

Weirded Out

At the end of my holiday weekend, I received a somewhat disturbing phone call.

Basically, the person that called said they got my number through a mutual friend but wouldn't tell me who they were, who the mutual friend was or why they were calling. The first thing this person said after I answered the phone was "Hi Linda, is it too late to call?" I said, "No, it's not too late. Who's this?" and they said, "Oh, I get the feeling it's too late. I'll call back tomorrow." To which I responded, "No, it's not too late, but who's calling?" Again, they responded, "No, I feel it's too late to call, we'll talk tomorrow." I eventually got him (it was a male voice with a foreign accent) to say the call was regarding "friendship", but he kept saying "we'll talk about it tomorrow." It was just overall strange. Probably just a "mutual friend" with very poor social skills...but I didn't like the secrecy and "we'll talk about it tomorrow". I told him not to call again. Also, the call was a "restricted call".

I hate these types of incidents because I become really worried and start obsessing over all the possible things that could go wrong - is he a stalker? did he hurt a loved one, steal their phone and is perversely messing with me? - and until I get confirmation that everything is okay and I'm being overly paranoid, I worry myself sick.

Word to the wise - if you are socially inept, please have your friend call your "mutual friend" and forewarn them before you spook this "mutual friend" out by calling from a restricted number at 11:00pm on a Sunday, and then refusing to talk to the person YOU called and refusing to give them your name, reason you are calling or the name of the person who gave you their number.

Next time - just don't bother. Because the next time, I will call the police.

Success and HAPPINESS!

Saturday, I threw a 30th Birthday Party for Andy.

He knew about the party, but did not know that his entire family was coming from Maine & Boston to celebrate! AND that all of his friends would be ROASTING & TOASTING him.

I have been anxious and a little stressed for about a month and half now in the planning process. Most of all, these last couple of weeks, as I began getting sick and could no longer focus on the details when it was MOST crucial!

Amazingly, due to the extraordinary FRIENDS of both Andy and me, and our amazing, talented families...The whole party and especially the Roasting & Toasting went off without a snag! It was just amazing!!! Andy didn't have a clue and was rendered speechless for a good portion of the evening (but totally happy).

And I got about ten offers to host other individual 30th birthday bashes. Maybe I should open a business?

[picture coming soon]

Sickies be damned!

Despite being sick all this last week...

Despite originally obsessing over and hating my haircut...

I have come out on top - with a cute do and time to finish this scarf!


AND, I get to keep the scarf guilt-free!

Turns out, Leslie no longer works with Laura. Her last day at Laura's office was Friday!

New do. New scarf. Happy girl.

I feel better already!

Flood 'Em Out!

Last Wednesday (the really rainy one), I was suppose to go to this networking event after work. But it got cancelled. So instead, I stayed late at the office organizing, planning, catching up on this and that. Sorting e-mails, you know... Just general crap that I'm usually too distracted to do at home.

Finally, around 8:30 or 9:00pm I left work for home. I was exhausted. I was hungry. All I could think of was when I would get home, kick up my feet, eat a nice dinner and unwind while knitting or watching one of several Curb Your Enthusiasm episodes on my dvr.

Wasn't I pleasantly surprised to come home to a freshly watered down bedroom?

Answer: NO. I WASN'T!

I took off my boots and socks in the bedroom and put my foot down into a nice cool puddle of water at the foot of my bed. What? Had I really dragged in all that water? NO. So where did it come from?

I looked up.

Answer 1:

Dripping, coke-like stain on ceiling.

I looked to my right.

my whole wall is swollen with water!

I take a closer look at the wall

water is literally dripping
and crawling down my wall...

It seems the only thing keeping my room from being completely flooded is the paint that is somehow wrapping the water in little bubbles like a fish swimming in a plastic baggie.

Oh, but wait...I guess the ceiling is not painted and couldn't contain the flood.
You see this big stack of clothes here? This is the freshly laundered stack of clothes that I didn't wear because I didn't want them to get wet on this rainy day.

Well, guess what? They are SOAKED. Six items deep on the top - all sweaters and jeans - Completely and utterly SOAKED. All the way through!

I suppose I should be thankful that my clothing hadn't been put away yet, or that puddle on my bedroom floor would have been more like a lake.

With all the mildewy musty perfume of our bedroom, not knowing when the rain might end, nor if the paint would hold...Andy and I slept on the futon in the living room.

A few hours later, I checked back in on the bedroom.

the water drop had made almost a foot of progress!

I'd love to say that the neighbors were again attempting to flood us out. Seeing as the bathroom tactic failed. However, I really don't see how leaving your air conditioning unit in the wall one floor above us has much to do with the water that seeped down into our bedroom...even if it was the very same wall.

As could be expected, Mr. M showed up two days later than he said he would....and then said "Let's wait until it drys, and then we'll fix it."

One week later...

Tonight it rains again. I hope I don't drown by tomorrow.

I know, I know....

Slackity, Slack, Slack.

I still can't shake this stinkin' hack-hack (cough)!


The good news is...I'm adjusting to my haircut. It relaxed a bit. I can sort of style it. I might even be inclined to say...I like it.

Hmmm...

Not love it. Like it.

But that's better than hate.

Picture soon.

Have a good stormy evening (if you are in New York...where it is stormy.)

Press PAUSE

I haven't abandoned you, Blog. I just need a break.

I have some draft entries saved...my head is getting more and more congested, though...and I can't seem to get the words in line.

So, I'm just taking a little pause to get better (hopefully) before it gets worse.

Bear with me...stay tuned...

We'll return with breaking news shortly!

Snip, Snip, Snip, SNIIIIP

Hair go bye-bye.

Too much this time.

Man, I LOVE the haircutting process. I love the sound of the scissors. The feel of the weight of your head grower lighter by the second. I love watching all the chopping and snipping and shaping of the hair.

But boy do I hate when they cut too much.

I made an appointment for 6:00pm on Friday. My hairstylist asked me to show up at 5:30pm. I asked my boss if I could leave early on Friday (it was a slow day, I had worked late earlier in the week....) she said "yes." I got to the hair salon at 5:35pm. I waited for an hour and a half to get my hair cut.

And, in the end - I waited to long for my hair to be cut too short!!!

Feeling very frustrated and down right now ... cause all that I can do is wait.

(Oh, and next week I get to meet a bunch of Andy's close long-time friends for the first time as I host his 30th birthday party. And my bangs (yeah, bangs) are doing this funny almost cowlick-like thing. Even Andy (for the first time) agrees it's not so great.)

Blegh. Maybe it'll relax and look better in a couple of days. Still...too short, I say! too short!

I want to be in high school...

...so that all my thoughts can become open and descript again. So that my words will leak from my fingertips without regard to how they sound to anyone but me. My words and thoughts will be my own and they will be so powerful and unique that they will grow from thoughts into poems from poems into prose and from prose into stories to be passed on for generations to come.

I want to take my observations of the people around me and knit together little stories of their lives from the thirty seconds that I observe them while I glance up from my crossword puzzle. I see them standing there, with a story. A history waiting and begging to be written. All I have to do is let myself imagine again.


Thank you, my fellow blogger, for the inspiration...whether you know it or not.


.

DON'T ASSUME YOU ARE AN ASS

Standing in the middle of The Yarn Connection, I called my friend Laura* at work.

She answers the phone in a very professional manner, "Good Afternoon, [Insert Company Name & Department Here]."

To which I reply, "God, sound a little happier."

We both start laughing a little at my sarcasm and friendly mean-ness and I ask, "What's your favorite color?"

To which she replies, "This isn't Laura. This is Leslie*"

"Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry. I...I...was just joking. You didn't sound unhappy..."

Leslie: "Can I put you on hold a moment?"

My stunned utterance, "Yes." (Oops! What did I just do?!)

Leslie quickly returns to say, "Laura stepped out to lunch. But, my favorite color is red."

Me: "I..You...What I was saying...Joking with Laura....You didn't sound ... You sounded professio...I thought...[insert more rambling and sticking foot in mouth]"



This has been a story about how you should never assume that the person who's number you have dialed, is the person who will answer that phone. (Even if they do sound remarkably similar in the first two seconds of spiel and you aren't really paying too much attention anyway...since you are distracted by all the pretty yarn you are going to buy in order to knit your friend a scarf.)

Lesson learned. Now I must publish this blog and go start on that lovely red scarf...



*Names changed to protect the innocent.

Please...No Deal!

About three months ago when I first stumbled upon the last five or ten minutes of this game show, I thought certainly it was some random game show in re-runs.

I contemplated why any network would ever think that this show needed to be re-aired, but I deferred judgement when I thought about all the other crap that was on TV. I turned the TV off, never to hear of "Deal or No Deal" again.

Unfortunately, for the following months, just about ALL I HEARD in multiple circles of friends and associates was endless references to this new game show "Deal or No Deal". It seemed EVERYONE was watching this show. (Or is?!) I can't imagine it. But there you have it, TV has gone lower than Reality Television Series.

Congratulations, Society. Congratulations.

A Chicken Runs the Marathon!

And a Rhino, too...but unfortunately, I don't have a picture of that. I'm fairly certain you will be able to find it on savetherhino.org, however, since that was the banner pasted across his gray burly rhino chest!

Good Job, Runners! I marvel at you.

MARATHON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today is the day of the NYC Marathon.

26.2 miles and I have four friends (that I know of) running today!!


Hip, Hip Robyn! Sean! Erica! and Alison!


Better you than me. Phew! I admire you for taking on this challenge.

The funny thing is, you've already started running and I haven't even taken a shower yet. Woah - talk about commitment. Well, never fear, I will be there in time to cheer you on! And I will bring chapstick and water. Chapstick and water.

Way to go, my friends!

Knit This!

It's been a year..but I've done it!

I've returned to that scarf my sister-in-law taught me how to knit so long ago
...and FINISHED IT!

Andy wears the completed scarf as a
Rambo-inspired headband.
He may not knit, but he sure is inventive!

I was so amazed at how much I remembered. In fact, I was faster, less tense and generally just BETTER! See what abandoning a project will do?

Okay, you know what I mean. Sometimes, you get so stuck on a word, a design, how to get that one walk-on line just right so you'll catch the eye of an agent, or how get your pizza dough to rise like that guy on TV. You get so frustrated that you just want to scream, punch a wall or throw the pizza dough at the TV! But if you just walk away, do something different for a little while and then come back to the project - all of a sudden everything seems so simple and clear!

That's what happened with my knitting. It used to hurt my wrist so badly that I'd have to stop after two rows of twenty stitches (not even 10 minutes of work, for those of you non-knitters). And my needles were constantly slipping out from the work, my yarn would fall out of my lap and roll half-way across the room. I couldn't get anything to go right for me and my knitting. Then...out of the blue - when I returned to that same scarf - everything just flowed.

And now I'm a knitting maniac! I've got two projects going at once and both patterns I created!

Me and my knitting projects!

Talk about a much needed break!

Tricky Treaters

I'm always puzzled...

of all the Halloweens spent in New York, I have never had any tricker treaters. And even though it happens every year, I'm still puzzled by the lack of knocks at my door. Those tricky treaters...they go all the way to Connecticut and New Jersey just to get the best sweet treats around (and maybe to avoid needles in their candy stack.)

Hm.

It's a little sad not to see all the adorable costumed children smiling so brightly for a bit of sugar...but at least now I have nephews and nieces to hear stories about and receive silly pictures from!

Happy Halloween, Everyone! May you be treated, not tricked!

SUPER SEEDS!!

I found a quicker, less painful, less obsessive way to get the most out of sunflower seeds.

You go to your neighborhood Indian Market and you purchase these...

SUPER Sunflower SEEDS! Oh my goodness, aren't they humongous?!


"Curry Hill" (Lexington Ave in the upper 20's)
is my new secret to successful sunflower seed adventures!

File Making, Heart Breaking

I keep thinking how I need to educate myself more. I don't want to spend the rest of my life organizing files for Managers, Vice Presidents and Executives at different corporate offices

I need to take a course to expand my skills. I want to be able to dive deeper into areas that already interest me, but I don't know enough about. The problem here is that I have too many interests. Should I take a course in business? or English? Should I go back to school for theater? Maybe a directing course? stage management? I did print out a Screen Writing course that I found on-line. I followed the first lesson, and that was it. I never looked at the second lesson. I'm not for screen writing. I'd rather take basket weaving, it's nearly as precise. Perhaps I should try something almost totally new and foreign, like graphic design?

My co-worker suggested fashion design. "Fashion Design?!", says I, "Why fashion design?"

I don't really consider myself very fashion forward. So I get a bit of a rush whenever anyone compliments me on my attire or accessories. As you can imagine, when my co-worker, I'll call her "Rica", suggested I take some fashion design courses at FIT, I was rather blushed. She said I had a knack for throwing things together to make an outfit. This is the outfit I wore that prompted Rica to compliment me:

I took the belt from the skirt, tied it around the t-shirt and added a decorative floral hair-pin for flair. I have to give credit to my friend Robyn for the using a belt as an accent idea. Therefore, could I really go to design school? I mean, truly it may be that I am just inspired by those around me. But then I began thinking and I did design a new shirt in my head that I believe, had I actually sewn it together, could be a really nice, curvaceous top for some woman...maybe even me.

Maybe I do have a knack? With the right training...some focus and discipline...could I be the next "Project Runway" winner?

Then I think, nah. I can't believe the hype. If dressing funky turned into an expectation, rather than a surprise and delight. It would cease to be enjoyable to me. I like to experiment with clothing to shake things up and put a little skip in my step. I don't want to have a near heart attack every morning because I can't decide what to wear and the whole world is watching.

Nah, I guess that's why I've stuck to file making. It's helpful to others. It's all neat and pretty. And, for the most part, my creativity stays out of it. My creativity remains my own. It remains personal.

Kunda-what-now?

I took my first kundalini yoga class last Thursday night.

A friend of mine is training to become a yoga teacher and needed a few interested volunteers with whom to practice. She forewarned all interested parties that kundalini yoga is not the typical yoga we may be use to. "It's weird," she said.

Turns out, it is a little weird. Not as weird as I thought it was going to be...not by a long shot. Still, I could see where some people would be a little put off by it. Like the breath of fire where you pant like a dog.

I learned a lesson, though. I learned that believing in anything can make it work. (Generally speaking.) It works the same with entertainment as it does with religion and fitness and health. In nearly all mediums, it is the willingness to suspend your disbelief that gives them power. If I believe chanting and stretching and panting will strengthen and purify me...then it will. Or at least it will do more good than if I go through the motions while thinking "this is a bunch of hooey."

Sugary Wedding

A PICTURE STORY

Two weekends ago, I went to my friends' wedding. Carrie & Dan are an awfully cute couple.

So cute, in fact, that their theme incorporated old time candy at every table. Gummy bears, york peppermint patties, hershey's kisses, rock candy, red vines, M&Ms, pixie stixs, mary janes, gum balls, lollipops and smarties. And every guest got a bag to fill with any and all the candy of their choosing. Oh...call the dentist!


They even sealed their program by wrapping it with candy dots!

Oh-my-goodness-clever-and-cute!

My friend, Robyn, started flirting with some guy at our table and creating these sculptures out of tableware and candy .

It was quite amusing to all of us at the "misfits" table. Sugar boosts your creativity.


This is what six hours of sugar consumption will do to you.

We're a rather giddy bunch. Hip! Hip! Carrie & Dan!


Random acts of lifting. Sugar makes you strong!

(Boy was I glad to be off those heels for even a minute! phooh! Thank you, sugar muscles!)


Awww...Sugar makes you sweet.

Isn't that just the sweetest pose you've ever seen?

More Bad News for the Devil Rays.

An 81-year-old man is stung by a stingray that JUMPS into his boat, seemingly unprovoked. This, less than two months after beloved "Crocodile Hunter", Steve Irwin, was attacked and killed by an apparently unprovoked stingray while filming. It seems, the Tampa Bay Devil Ray's animal name-sake is out to rewrite it's reputation as a yielding creature which only attacks by virtue of defense and never takes initiative.

Are the Devil Ray's trying to tell us something?

Is this an omen? The Devil Rays are getting ready to pull out all the stops! Watch out World Series 2007!!! We're not going to play the "docile rookies" anymore! HERE WE COME! (Or, maybe at least the playoffs? No? Okay. How 'bout moving up the ranks to #4 in the AL East? Please...)

Winter approaches...

The one thing I actually love about the approach of winter

... is the smell of wood burning.

Something about the smell of a

toasty fire

in the winter is just such a happy thing!

Distracty mind

Oi vey! Planning a party is hard work. I'm all distracty and tired and keep back-tracking on things I've already decided on. It's a full time job. I don't have time to be at work! I need to get planning!

It was so much easier when we were in middle school and a party consisted of $1 store prizes and decorations and left-over halloween candy.

"Google" the term

(This is one of those "draft posts" I was talking about. Just sitting in the blog queue, waiting to get some attention...)


After reading an article entitled "Bush: Google government spending" in the METRO "The world's largest global newspaper" on Wednesday, September 27, 2006, it inspired me to think about the origin of words.

To summarize the article, Bush says citizens can "google" federal budget and spending. President Bush recently signed a new law that calls for a web site database to go online by January 1, 2008 that would allow citizens to track about $1 trillion in government spending on grants and contracts.

But where is Google in all this? Did they strike a deal? Is there a contract with Google and the United States Government? The new law has little to nothing to do with Google. Why not say "...Americans will now be able to '[Yahoo! Search] their tax dollars'", or "...Americans will now be able to '[Ask Jeeves about] their tax dollars'"? I know, I know...because it's not as simple and catchy.

There is no longer a question that "Google" is a term, as well as, a company. But when did this happen? Was it when Bush casually used the term in conjunction with a new law? Was it years ago? Is it right now via this blog?

When will we look back and not know where the term "google" originated? When will the origin of "google" be in Uncle John's Bathroom Reader as we laugh in amazement that Google was actually a company at one time?

Sunflower Guts!

Sometimes I feel guilty talking about the hippie neighbors upstairs. I mean, they are well intentioned. Also, I told them how much fun I had toasting the sunflower seeds that they gave me an entire bowl full of sunflower seeds, already removed from the flower!

I washed the seeds and laid them out to be toasted. Then I had a thought! Since the hippies were so nice as to already remove them from the flower, why don't I remove them from their shells. This way, when they are done toasting, they will be ready to eat, sans shell. Brilliant!



5 HOURS LATER...



I had the product you see below.



Left: Hulled shells, sans seeds
Right: Seeds, sans shells...Not much of a pile.

And some rather bruised thumbs. Ow!


I persevere (despite the thumbs). I lay the freshly hulled seeds out to be toasted.

Seeds a toasting in the dim toaster oven.

I was amazed to learn that the seeds still POPPED! Despite the lack of shell. I had thought, that perhaps the shell cracking was the popping noise I heard the first time I toasted sunflower seeds. But there they were - right in plain view. Sunflower seed popcorn was jumping off the foil like mad.

A little to quickly, too. Because, after five hours of intense labor, hulling seeds for easy and more delicious consumption...

I burnt half the product in just under 10 seconds.


Burnt and unburnt toasted sunflower seeds.

The upside is the ones that survived the carnage tasted pretty dang good.

And Andy wasn't complaining because he got to eat a bunch of tiny tasty sunflower seeds, in ten seconds flat. Plus, he likes burnt things.

Happy Anniversary, Linda!

Why, Thank You, Blog! Thank you for caring.

Today is my one year anniversary at my job.

Does anybody care? No.

Nobody really cares when someone can hold a job for a year. They care when you can hold a job for twenty-five years! Then, and only then, there will be EXTRA cookies for everyone!

But, you know what? I'm okay with this. Because today my boss and I hosted a meeting, and provided lunch. And there were LOTS of cookies left over.

Since it's my anniversary...I DID NOT REFUSE THOSE COOKIES. I enjoyed them thoroughly.

Congratulations, me.

Thank you, you.

You're welcome, me.

October is a Month to Celebrate and be Aware!

I have nothing to back this up...

But I've been told, that this month IS:

NATIONAL PIZZA MONTH
NATIONAL VEGETARIAN MONTH (October 1st being National Vegetarian Day)
NATIONAL HISPANIC HERITAGE MONTH
BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH (I assume it's National, but it's a long enough name as is)

What an exciting month?!!

Also, I celebrate my One Year Anniversary at HBO tomorrow!

And my friend, Erik Tanouye ( http://tanouye.blogspot.com/) celebrates his 29th Birthday today! (Happy Birthday, Erik! You're NOT 30!)

What's more, my sister celebrates her one year anniversary at her job next week!

What a DAY! WHAT A WEEK! WHAT A MONTH!!

And, let's not forget, Halloween...!

----------------------------
10/10/06 at 10:57 pm:

A very astute reader pointed out that my boyfriend, Andy, also celebrates his 5th Year Anniversary at his job on October 9th! AND, if I'm not mistaken, my friend, Sean Taylor (http://www.thespotlightwithseantaylor.com), also celebrates his 5th Year Anniversary at that same place of business on that same day as well!!! Congratulations, all around!!!!!

Other birthdays this month:
NAT RINK - 30!!!!!!
JOSH COHEN - 33!

Who else has a birthday? Please add a comment! Let me know what else is there is to celebrate and observe in October! What a wonderful way to kick off the Fall Foilage!

My Brother, Alan, knows so much

Dear Reader(s),

My brother, Alan, the notorious Alan, the one who's made me a "psuedo celebrity", has pointed out to me that I should not neglect my blog, for the readership will come and go like the rising tide. And then they will just go...like, well, like popcorn in my prescence. Here one minute, gone the next, with hardly a trace to remember them by.


So... I just want you (dear reader(s), are you there?) to know that I will make a full-hearted effort to be more consistent with my posts. I have a lot of drafts saved. I just haven't completed them.

I will make that committment to you. I will finish my posts! I will write more often!

Please stay faithful to me. I will remain faithful to you!

I love you, Reader(s)!

Love, Linda

Self-esteem issues

My therapist falls asleep on me.

One of the things we were working on is my unfounded low self-esteem.

I think we may have found one source!

My therapist falls asleep on me.

LIONS!!!

Man in Convertible Plays His Music Real Loud

Yes, yes sir, we know you're there.

We know you are 45 with a bitchin' new car.

You don't have to play your music at full blast in order for us to see you there.

Because, well, when you slammed into that parked car...that pretty well caught our attention to begin with.

Laila Rowe's $1.68

Perusing the sale merchandise at Laila Rowe on 5th Ave and 42nd Street during my lunch break on Tuesday, I observed a slim woman of about 50 years of age with a bob-cut of white-grey hair toting a small mop dog and going OUT OF HER MIND WITH ANGER.

She was IRATE and inconsolable over $1.68. I mean, she would NOT stop yelling for at least twenty minutes. The young cashiers just wanted her to hear their side of things. She wouldn't listen.

She: "IT'S 3rd GRADE MATH! IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE!"

Her claim: She returned a gift from a friend worth $20.00 and bought a scarf for $25.00 and paid $5.42. And the cashier gypped her the refund of the tax on $20.00 which comes to $1.68. She believes she should have paid $3.74. The cashier owes her $1.68. Pay up!

She: "NOBODY WANTS TO BE GYPPED OUT OF $1.68!"

My say: Ma'am, you're wrong. About the $1.68.

Let's review:
Say I paid $20.00 plus tax ($21.68) for your ring. I then give the ring to you as a gift. You return said ring to the store. The cashier refunds $21.68 to you. You then select a pretty scarf at the price of $25.00 (a $5.00 difference). You pay $27.10 (this includes tax) for your scarf. This is a grand total of $5.42 difference from the refund to the new purchase.
So...apparently you need to go back to 3rd grade. Because, say we do an "exchange" for your items. We charge you $25.00, with a deduction of $20.00 for the refunded item, which leaves you with a difference of $5.00 plus tax to pay. Um...that's a grand total of $5.42.

Maybe it IS rocket science. Maybe it is. But, really, Lady, I think you are an impatient, insensitive MORON. Go back to school and leave those poor young cashiers alone! They really don't want your $1.68.

But, while we're on the subject of being gypped...Could you please refund my twenty minutes of down-time that you stole from my lunch hour with your incessant hyper-screaming? 'Cause, well, nobody wants to be gypped out of twenty minutes.

69

Why does the weatherman predict 69* of weather for an entire week? I mean, it's an estimate. It'd be very simple to round up or down a degree, right? Avoid the speculation, the innuendos and the crass jokes.

But, no, for an entire week the weatherman predicted "a high of sixty-nine degrees".

Reason being? He wanted to see the world get a little more action.

Thank you, Mr. Weatherman. Thank you.

Gasp! A MOUSE!

A MOUSE!... KILLING A PIECE OF CHEESE!!!!

(He tried to tell them it was just a myth, but they wouldn't listen.)

A mouse...chilling on a piece of cheese.

(This mouse took a more innovative approach to the excessive-offerings-of-cheese dilemma.)

A MOUSE! A CONFUSED MOUSE!

(He doesn't understand why he wasn't even offered any cheese...)

REFUSE THOSE COOKIES!

In the office, a lot of free cookies get passed around.

At most offices, and mine is no exception, there is cake on birthdays. We have cake. And chips. And soda. AND cookies! I like cookies.

When I go to meetings, there is always a plate full of cookies up for grabs. And what else are you going to do while you are pretending to listen intently to all that jibber jabber on corporate overhead? You are going to eat a cookie. That's what else.

There are a lot of women on our floor. Whenever one of them is going on a new diet, they empty their desk drawers and cupboards and mini-fridges of all the chocolates, candies, sweets and cookies they've been hoarding and lay them out for everyone to share. I usually grab a cookie or two.

My desk is right next to the dining halls at work. One of the kitchen staff has taken a liking to me. The other day he brought me a plate full of fresh, whole fruit. I was very excited. I shared them with my co-workers, they were very excited. Then, ten minutes later, he brought me a bowl full of cookies. I tried to share them with my co-workers. They adamantly refused. What was a girl to do? I ate two. Okay, maybe it was three. Then I found a small child running around the office and gave him the rest. I mean, a boy of four has got to have energy to keep running full steam like that. He needed the sugar.

There is a conference room on our floor that none of us use, but many other departments book full all month long. They have catered meetings. When the meeting is finished, we all swoop in like vultures upon the leftovers. Usually, it's a few meat-laden sandwiches and a bunch of cookies. I eat the cookies. It's free! How could I refuse?

Summary: I like cookies. I can't say "No" to free cookies. I eat a lot of cookies at work.

So what should I do? Stop going in to work? Good Idea. Although I'd probably just start baking cookies at home. And not having a corporate body of people to bestow a gift of sweet treats upon, I'd just eat more cookies. Hm.

I think the answer here is "Just say NO." This is a lesson I learned as a child. And I'm not sure I applied it to all the right areas of life. I mean - Cookies! - they are a deadly habit. Shouldn't they warn you about these things when you are interviewing for a job? "We really like your resume, Ma'am, but I want to tell you, this office is Pro-Cookie. We eat a lot of cookies around here. Do you think you can handle that? Are you up to the challenge?"

Pseudo Celebrity

From my experience last night, I've determined that I have arrived at pseudo-celebrity status.

I'm like Ashlee Simpson. No one really knows me or my work. But they know my brother. And he throws my name around a bit. (And one day I'll become a star, riding on his fame...right?)

When two people in one evening have heard of you for no reason other than your brother and one of them knows all sorts of strange and disconnected details about your life - like where you use to live - you start to feel a little strange.

But soon, I just smile and relish in my new pseudo-celebrity status and wonder, "With all this fame and attention I'm getting...why isn't anyone reading my blog?"

Sunflowers Sun on Me

It's possible I'm totally oblivious to my surroundings. I'm not saying I am. I'm saying it's possible.

I live in New York, after all. There's a lot to take in. And, after the first couple of years, you learn not to look interested in your surroundings, avoiding all eye contact and walking briskly from point A to point B.

It was somewhat startling for me to discover a bushel of sunflowers in front of my apartment in early August. I mean, right outside my front window! IN FULL BLOOM! How did they get there? Were they there all summer? Do I really not pay attention?!

Everyday after I discovered the sunflowers, I made a point to take a moment outside my door and just look at them (and look around for any stalkers, people hiding in the bushes, or the like, which clearly I had not bothered to be alert to before.)

Here's something about my hippie neighbors that's nice. And hippie. Just yesterday, we bumped into each other outside the front door. They asked if I was enjoying the sunflowers. I said, "Why, yes. Did you plant them?" They said "Yes. Every summer." I asked how long the flowers had been in bloom. They said, "About a month, maybe a little more." (Phew! Maybe I'm NOT so oblivious.)

And THEN, they gave me a lesson in botany. Stripping an over-ripe (can you call it that?) sunflower of it's petals and soft plant fur, they revealed to me the seeds. Yep, sunflower seeds. Just like you buy from the store. You can toast 'em and eat 'em, or you can replant them for next summer. The hippies handed me the head of the sunflower for my eating enjoyment, with a warning to lookout for bugs.

I've decided to give it a try. Toasting sunflower seeds, that is. And because my sister likes sunflowers (and all flowers in general) I decided I would mail her some of the end product, if it turns out edible. (This will also serve as a test to see if she is keeping up with my blog which she professed so much interest in. Heehee.)

This is a quick photo synopsis of the process:

from left to right, top to bottom: 1. Pick sunflower in bloom; 2. Shuck sunflower seeds from center of flower, dispensing of bugs, if any are present; 3. Rinse seeds thoroughly; 4. Dry seeds and weed out weak or hollow ones; 5. Spread out on flat pan, season if desired and toast; 6. package for consumption; 7. Find a test subject and enjoy!

As you can see, there are a lot of steps involved. It requires a lot of loving care. Drying off each little seed, weeding out the weak ones. What I'm saying is...preparing the sunflower seeds for consumption has taught me that, where I might be totally oblivious to my surroundings, I am not totally unaware and detached. I can focus on the little details. Maybe the fact of the matter is, I'm overly focused on the details, and I miss the big picture. Hm.

Anyway, while toasting the sunflower seeds, I noticed they started making a "popping" sound the longer they cooked. And so I concluded, Sunflower Seeds = the new, Mini Popcorn!

Mmm...Sunflower Seed Popcorn!

So, there you have it. Not all hippie neighbor happenings end in me mopping up the water from our bathroom floor. Sometimes it ends with a new popping obsession!

When at first you don't succeed...

I was in bed early last night, trying to fight off a cold.

Shortly after 10pm, I was stirred from my bed by the doorbell.

Our neighbors rang to tell me that their sink had overflowed and flooded their bathroom. Were we effected?

I turned to see the water traipsing down from the ceiling as the first of several drops landed on my nighttime sweatshirt. I nodded a firm YES. Yes, we were effected.

As I was drying up the puddles and changing my pjs, I thought: The hippies are going to flush us out of this apartment come hell or high water! (High water clearly being their optimal choice.)

I'm not a-lion

I went to the National Zoo in Washington, D. C. this past weekend.

A good time. It's a zoo. There's a baby panda. It's free!

What more could you want?

Well, I, for one, could want a lion.

It would have been nice to see a lion while at the zoo. It makes perfect sense. They have two huge lion statues at their entrance. One would only expect to see a real live lion within.

Alas, free zoos must do maintenance, too. And they don't have the funding for pretty distractions. The lion display was "temporarily out of service" according to the sign.

But I did see a big Zebra, and his mammoth penis.

The sky has opened

Some of you may wonder...what next?

What happened with the bathroom ceiling?

It came out.

No, don't worry, it didn't fall on my head. Thank god! But, our landlord did come by last Monday and "fix" the leak. By "fix the leak", I mean he pulled out a chunk of our ceiling and peeled back a bit more of the paint to let it all dry out. He moved all our toiletries about, stacked our trash cans (used to catch leaking water) inside one another like some kind of modern totem pole and placed mop and broom outside the apartment in the hallway. Our bathmat seems to have disappeared during the remodeling.

Funny thing is, our landlord (I'll rename him Mr. M. The "M" stands for "Mystery Man"), Mr. M did not leave a note behind, he didn't call us with an update, and in the end I called him on Tuesday night (leaving ample time for him to call me) to find out our status on the new sunroof he installed (destalled?).


We lived like this, the ceiling wide open wondering if the hippies were peering down upon us, for a full week. Mr. M wanted to be sure everything dried out completely and keep an eye out for any further leakage.

There was no further leakage. But I'm not so sure there wasn't any peakage. (Bu-dum-bump!)

We went to D.C. this last weekend, reporting to Mr. M that there were no further rain showers in our bathroom that we noticed. He swooped in (mystery man that he is) and completed the job and by Sunday night we had a mostly repaired ceiling. (No picture available.) By mostly, I mean that for some reason he didn't cover the whole ceiling and some of the ceiling still has remnants of yellowing coffee-like stains mixed in. I think Mr. M was going for the antique look.

Not that I'm complaining! I love antiques. And, it is also very good to have a dry roof over our heads again. Thank you, Mr. M.

Now, if only someone could tell me...where is our bathmat?

Me

This is a chronicle of me.

It may seem self-obsessed. But hey, aren't we all?

Some other people are mentioned too.

Pop Pop STOP

I eat a lot of popcorn. I'm serious. A LOT. Ask anyone that's every lived with me. I eat a bowl of popcorn a day. (Pictured below is the bowl.) Lately, it's become two bowls. That's a lot of popcorn.
My friends say, "That's okay, popcorn is good for you."

My physical trainer says, "That's okay, popcorn is good for you."

My doctor says, "That's okay, popcorn is good for you."

I ask them, "Yeah, but certainly AS MUCH popcorn as I eat can't be good for you?"

To which they all reply, "It's fine." "Better than something else." "It's not going to hurt you."

How am I suppose to cut down on the eating or stop this excessive behavior if everyone's so positive about my obsession? Sure, it's cute. It's unique. It makes me ME. But, honestly, the main problem here, besides the kernels stuck in the teeth, is the GAS.

I'm a vegetarian. I already have a lot of gas. And what is popcorn, anyway, but a bunch of puffy white fiber balls just waiting to balloon out in my stomach. (I also eat way too fast for fear someone will one day share my obsession and eat more popcorn than me. This is perhaps a separate issue owing to the fact that I grew up in a family of five kids, me being on the younger end of the totem pole and having to fight dually hard for my rations. Rations being cookies, gummy bears, sinfuls, peanut brittle, "chicken" salad and of course, popcorn.)

So, please, I LOVE popcorn. But I hope that I can one day find someone who will at least say, "You know, maybe you should make smaller portions. You know, if it's just going to be you eating it."

To which, in reply, I will probably pop a third bowl of popcorn.

Anyone want to go to the movies?

Raindrops keeping falling

We have hippie neighbors. They live upstairs in the split family home. It's us and them. We live downstairs. Most everything our hippie neighbors do makes some kind of hippie-sense. Like saving every plastic container ever given to them. Taking EVERYTHING to the thrift store, or hoarding it in their house where they'll sell the parts or give them away on freecycle.com. Eating everything grown in their own garden, including the flowers of the plants which they are not sure, but they THINK is a hybrid of broccoli and celery. Or was it scallions? At any rate, all of this is fairly normal in the hippie way of life.

And it makes sense. And I get it. I'm even a little envious that I am too attached to my materialistic-comforts-of-home lifestyle to eat from my own garden. (I did try the mystery flower, though. It tasted kinda like broccoli.)

It gets to be too much for me, their neighbor, to handle at this point - I'm in the bathroom on the toilet...and I feel raindrops. Oh wait. No, that's not raindrops. That's foul coffee-colored liquid dripping from my ceiling. The drips continue for weeks. We call the landlord. He regrouts their tub. The drips start again, this time accompanied by nice huge swells in the ceiling. Just threatening to pour down on me like a looming Florida storm cloud. I call the landlord. He calls the neighbors.

This is key.

While a puss-like bulge is growing in my ceiling, the neighbors are "taking a shower," they tell Matt, the landlord, "without closing the shower curtain."

What?! Who DOES that? There is a point to the shower curtain, right? I mean, who wants to take a shower and then step out into a bath? How much mold and filth must there be on their bathroom floor and walls? I'm astounded.

Automatically, I try to equate this to hippie logic. There is none. There is no reason to subject your own floor and your neighbor's ceiling to a diluge of coffee, mildew, sewage baths. The picture you see above is about 8 hours before the bubble gave out and my nice, clean bathroom was washed in rust water. Or, at least, as I tried to salvage my bathroom, I was washed in rust water.

And then Andy came back from vacation.